It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
