I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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