allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
