saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
