I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
