If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
