I don't usually arrange sex via text message
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
