if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
