oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
