Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
