i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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