his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
