is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
