So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
