I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
