I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
