how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
