I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My balls are so social today.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
