cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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