Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
