I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize