i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
