Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
