Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I can text with my tongue
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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