she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
