dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
