The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
is it fun? or sober?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
