Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
