I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.