I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
