You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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