I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?