Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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