my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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