I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
