if i can run in heels then i can drive
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
