Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
