Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
