summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I want to be your penis for a week.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
