get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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