wakey wakey hands off snakey
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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