my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize