Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
bring money and cleavage
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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