A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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