How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
