Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
