I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
