A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
