the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
