how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
