So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
