You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
