I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
