I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
