She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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