DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
