dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
