im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
