Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
