There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
