he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
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like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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