Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
