YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
