I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I want to have your abortion
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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