The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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