he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
