dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize