I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
