my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
