That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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