hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
