How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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