standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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