she was so not down for the gang bang
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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