Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
