And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
