I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
