I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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