ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
