i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
