You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
